Thursday, July 10, 2008

The 351 Books of Irma Arcuri by David Bajo (2008)

One might think a book with "just enough" blow jobs might be interesting. Not the case. Not the case at all. This entry is going to be a bit lewd. In an effort to see just how many bjs were "just enough," I kept a log. The trouble was that the book had so much more than the occasional bj. Well, so much more by way of sexual acts. Not so much more in terms of actual content.

So, the basic gist of the novel is that Irma Arcuri has disappeared herself and left her 351 books to her off/on (right now off) lover Philip. Supposedly, Philip is going to set out to find her wherever she's hidden herself. Also coming into the picture is a strange woman, Lucia, who resembles Irma and becomes Philip's lover, Philip's first wife Rebecca and her children Sam (still in high school) and Nicole (in college), Philip's second wife Beatrice, Philip's friend Isaac, and various other players--most of whom have slept with each other and all of whom have slept with Irma (yep, women and high school boys included).

More or less Bajo wanted to retell Don Quixote but doesn't do such a great job. He's got the bumbling guy trying his damnedest to find his "fair Dulcinea" but he doesn't so much capture anything else about the older text, certainly none of the subtlety or literary quality. The other HUGE problem is that while this is titled the 351 books of Irma Arcuri, we only get scant information about 26 of them. That seems wrong and flimsy. We get the most, of course, about Don Quixote which just makes the whole re-telling aspect of this book trite. AND, Irma Arcuri is never found (she MAY show up on the very last page but we don't know). I have many many many more complaints about the book but they are really just too stupid and annoying to rehash or list.

So, just because I made this list in order to count how many bjs are"just enough" (7 by the way, apparently 7 is just enough), I'm putting it here. Just skip it if you want. And definitely give the book a skip.

"zed" p1-2 female nudity (Irma)
"zed" p2 "twin volcanoes with late morning light flooding down their chutes" (really? did we need this?)
"zed" p4-5 female nudity, intimations of sex, hard on (Irma & Phillip)

ch1 p23 Phillip picks up Lucia in bar (who writes her phone number on a Chinese finger puzzle, wink wink. This finger puzzle returns as a book mark and idle toy repeatedly.)
ch1 p25 erection while riding behind Lucia on Vespa (Phillip)

ch2 p27 sex (in Irma's book between I&P doppelgangers)
ch2 p35 threesome (Irma, Phillip, & Beatrice)
ch2 p36 threesome redux
ch2 p37 revelation of lesbian affair (Beatrice & Irma to Phillip)

ch3 p39 continued revelation of lesbian affair
ch3 p40 girls make out (Irma & Beatrice)
ch3 p41-2 girls have sex (I&B)
ch3 p43 blow job (P&B)
ch3 p43 oral (P&B)
ch3 p44 intimations of sex (P&B)
ch3 p53 revelation of loss of virginity

ch4 p55-6 sex several times (I&P)
ch4 p57 female nudity (I)
ch4 p62 nudity (Lucia &P)
ch4 p62 erection (P)
ch4 p63 oral, erection (L&P)
ch4 p64 sex against hotel window which has no drapes (L&P)

ch5 p72-3 blow job#2 (L&P)
ch5 p73 sex (L&P)
ch5 p73 nudity (L)
ch5 p74 nudity (P)
ch5 p74 sex (I&P)
ch5 p76 ref to bj on p72
ch5 p 76 sex in Irma's book (I&P doppelgangers)
ch5 p78 sex--5 times (I&P's friend Isaac)

ch6 p86 "lake seduction" (I's novel)
ch6 p87 hand job (I's novel)
ch6 p87-8 Phillip's doppelganger loses his virginity in high school to a girl who also runs track--on the mat after a jump DURING a meet with their clothes on with detail given as to this works exactly and it lasted more than 10 seconds (I's novel)
ch6 p88 sex 3 more times with the above track girl who has a boyfriend (I's novel)
ch6 p92 female nudity (Lucia)
ch6 p92-3 sex (Lucia&Phillip)
ch6 p93 blow job#3 mid-sex (L&P)

ch7 p115 memories of sex with Irma (P)
ch7 p126 3way kiss in pool (P&I&Phillip's first wife Rebecca)
ch7 p126 Video-taped sex (P&R)

ch8 p130 female nudity (I)
ch8 p130 erection (P)
ch8 p133 sex in chair (P&R)
ch8 p134 sex (P&I)
ch8 p140 watching video of sex with Rebecca that Rebecca filmed and that her then ex but now reconciled husband and father to her children watched (P)
ch 8 p140 while watching video, notices splice of Irma's nude back indicating R's affair with Irma(P)
ch8 p143 reveal of affair with Rebecca's kids, Sam (in high school) and Nicole (freshman in college)

ch9 p149 kiss (R)
ch9 p150-1 sex (I&P)
ch9 p151 blow job (I&P)
ch9 p151 sex (I&P)

ch10 p178 blow job (P&I)
ch10 p184 female nudity (I)

ch11 p195 reference to sex (Sam and Irma's niece)
ch11 p202-3 wives' seduction, step kids, seduction, stories told to Irma's nieces and nephews (P about I)

ch12 p217 erection (Sam thanks to I)
ch12 p218 erection (conversation b/t I&S)
ch12 p210-20 invite to hotel and acceptance (S&I)
ch12 p223 blow job (B&P at windmills in Spain)
ch12 p223 oral (P on B)
ch12 p223-4 sex (B&P)

ch13 p251 make out (P&I)
ch13 p252 talk sex with Lucia posing as Irma
ch13 p252 sex (I&P)
ch13 p253 Lucia kisses Philip while pretending to be Irma
ch13 p254 kissing (L&P)
ch13 p255 female nudity (L)
ch13 p255-6 oral (P on L)
ch13 p256 hand job (L on P)
ch13 p256 sex (L&P)

ch14 p258 sex (I&P)
ch14 p261 blow job wake up call (L or maybe I on P)
ch14 p261 69 (L or maybe I with P)
ch14 p263-4 reference to sex on p261
ch14 p267 reference to sex (I)
ch14 p271 make out (L&P)
ch14 p272 sex (L&P)
ch14 p272 naked (I)
ch14 p283 kiss (maybe from Irma to Beatrice, maybe Philip to Beatrice, maybe Philip to Irma)

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